Thursday, June 28, 2012

Apple's Newest User

(Disclaimer: The very exciting news that will come somewhere mid-post occurred more than three weeks ago, so I am clearly not Apple's newest user. They've even come out with a new version of the computer since then. Sorry to disappoint.)

There are people who say that Apple is becoming the new Big Brother, you know, of 1984 fame. (Just a note, I find it odd that Orwell wrote it in 1948. Oh, anagrams.)

And that may be true. There aren't choices to be made at an Apple store, only expensive or even more expensive. You certainly can't see what's happening inside your computer/phone/tablet, and can't even take it apart yourself. Throwing it on the ground would probably do it, on second thought. But like I said, it's expensive, so don't try that at home. YouTube is great for those things. I worry about the way people spend their free time these days. 

And so, after having a trustworthy and awesome laptop for a bit more than five years, I decided now would be a great time to indulge and buy that which I really wanted.

This is exactly what I wanted. A 15 inch Macbook Pro. (Use your context clues to know what is not, in fact that I got, due to my usage of past tense grammar.) 

I took a grand total of four trips to the local Apple Store. I had one trip where my only question's answer completely nullified any review of Apple employees ever: as I was asking the woman the question, she took if upon her self to not wait for the question mark to make itself known and replied "No." I made sure to avoid her when I returned the next day. Another trip, I approached the Apple store, with its glass doors wide open and a friendly Apple-t-shirt-uniform-clad man approached me with his trusty iPad in hand. After asking why we were coming into the store and other customer service pleasantries, he informed us that the store had closed approximately 15 minutes before. Why he ushered us into the store and lead us to believe that we could play with the merchandise only to crush our dreams quickly soon after baffles me. Oddly enough, we later saw the man open the door for a group of mothers with strollers, holding the door while the strollers strolled in. From afar, we saw the mothers' faces drop less than a minute later, and watched as they awkwardly turned the strollers around in the glass doorway to modern and beautiful perfection. 

Not a good start, local Apple Store. (I will act for a sentence that I was using these interactions to base my decision to spend much more than necessary on a computer. In reality, my mind was made up. I was planning on coming back again and again until I got the right person to not earn my commission.)

And that glorious moment happened. I chose the day to buy a new computer, 6/3/12, mostly because the date was mathematically feasible, and ventured again to the glass and concrete building of wealth. This time, I figured out my problem and how to fix it. Instead of seeking help, I stood and waited. I didn't even play with a computer, phone, or look amused. I simply stood in great faith that someone would approach me and demonstrate the fantastic customer service that Steve Jobs was always promising us.

Enter Dave. He waited for me to form questions that I thought were convincing and smart sounding when in reality they were sort of pulled from thin air and my imagination. He explained things and waited for the light bulb in my head to light up.

The moment when I knew Dave was there for me: he downsold. (Opposite of upsell.) This is when we became friends. He convinced me I didn't actually need the 15 inch computer, and then that I didn't really even need the faster processor of the 13 inch version. He made me feel okay with spending almost $1,000 less than I had walked in the store prepared to spend. I appreciate him for that. Go Dave.

I walked out of the store with the white box, feeling superior to everyone who wasn't carrying a white box as well. Then I saw the man with the wagon carrying a 27 inch iMac. I felt he was superior to me.

After introducing the computer to my home, I spent the next two hours only to find out that the router in my home was not up to date with Mac's standards. That being said, it gave me a great opportunity to talke to Jim and Gavin from Apple Customer Service, Gavin being the more entertaining and animated of the two, he sounded just like the MovieFone man. I was then lucky enough to get to spend an hour on the phone with Anne from the Philippines, it was 6 in the morning her time, which I found out in some traditional small talk while waiting for "my information to process." She was really no help at all. I ended up hanging up on her, as it was much easier to fix my own problem by using the force known as the internet while she put me on indeterminately long holds.

Now: Internet works. Pictures loaded. iTunes completely full.

And the last 3+ weeks have been wonderful. I find myself trying to do the fun tricks that Macs have up their sleeves on non-Macintosh computers, and then become disappointed. Having been a PC for my entire life until now, I appreciate what they are doing. However, I appreciate what Macs are doing even more. It's lovely. And I'm able to understand just the magnitude of the loveliness now.

Welcome home, bud. 

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